King Solomon, known as the wisest of all people, wrote enigmatically in Proverbs that,
‘human beings face to face are like water’.
Rabbinic commentaries explain this to mean that our interactions with others reflect back on us just as our image reflects in water. In simple terms, what you give is what you get. The feeling that we receive from others will usually reflect the feeling that we have given over to them.
Similarly, Sydney Banks said that,
‘She who loves will surely receive love. Love flows from a vessel which can’t be emptied. As you give more and more love, the vessel overflows.’
When we share our love with others, the love will overflow and return back in our direction. Often with a little bit of interest.
Recently, in our Joyful Relationships programme, we talked about being in the spirit of giving. Couples and clients will often come to us frustrated that they are not receiving enough from their relationships. We are confident that if they were in the feeling of love and giving more, they would receive more. The way to bring love back into a relationship is not to look for it, because you will never find it, but rather to give it. Because love is always ours to give. Each of us has a heart that is brimming with love.. Once one spouse discovers the depth of love that is rooted within them - they will start sharing that which they have found.
So whilst we said that you cannot find love if you go looking for it. You cannot demand, or even request love from others, you nevertheless do have an option. To go out there and love. And without doubt, you will receive it in return.
There is an important caveat, however; we have many clients who tell us that they have been giving without receiving anything back for years on end. It’s simply not true, they counter, that you receive in return what you give. So, we want to clarify what we mean. There are many reasons people continue to give in relationships even though they receive nothing in return: duty, commitment, loyalty, obligation, habit, low self-esteem……We, however, are not talking about giving, we are talking about giving love. And if the reason a person gives is for any of the aforementioned, they will not be giving love. Love is pure, love is from the heart. One gives love simply because one feels love. A person gives to a relationship for decades, even, and receives nothing in return. But a person who gives heartfelt, genuine, unconditional, love, will eventually find reciprocation. Superficial giving doesn’t necessarily reflect back, but love always does.
We appreciate that this is not always easy - to return to love when you are feeling upset, angry, resentful and a whole lot more. But it is the direction of the solution. Your spouse doesn’t need to change (although it would be great if they did!) You just need to go looking inside for that deep and heartfelt love that never disappears, only it gets covered up and obscured. Find it and you will the find the relationship again. We believe, and have seen in action, that it doesn’t matter how ‘toxic’ a relationship has become, if even one partner realises that love is still there to be found within themselves, things can change quickly, radically and…….permanently.
If you want to hear more about how to live more from a feeling or love, join us as we continue the conversation of joyful relationships. Come to appreciate that which you have within you already so you can then go and share it with your loved ones and others.
We will take you on a 10-week journey exploring the wisdom behind successful and joyful relationships. We will cover topics such as; expectations, listening, forgiveness and more, together with leading international guest speakers who have been sharing this profound and helpful insight for more than 40 years.
Recordings will be available for all course participants.